2024 was a year of Letting Go. I’ll start this writing though, with the privilege (and responsibility) of having my girl back with me for the larger portion of the year. At 22, she’s not really a girl, moving more and more into her fullness as a woman, but because of the circumstances, I did get to dance with her younger parts on the regular the first 2/3rds of the year. On Halloween ’23 she tore her meniscus (again) and by winter break it was clear she would need to have surgery (her 3rd) and rehab here in Sebastopol.
Study abroad plans to Ghana were cancelled for the Spring semester, and by Valentine’s Day when she was slotted to fly the 22 hours to Africa, instead she was home sipping hot cocoa with her mommy (that was me again;) and waiting for her boyfriend to arrive with some sympathy sweets. Poor girl. But in the bigger picture- not a pity party at all. Ghana was able to be punted to fall semester and she’s wrapped that up now and is continuing her wander lust through Morocco (current location: Casablanca) with her love, Ryan. Operation Meniscus: complete!
During the harder parts of ‘24, just following her surgery, we bonded in beautiful ways that had me considering more deeply the grand scale spiritual truth that there are no accidents. Of course I was afforded the luxury of knowing she’d get better and move on with her life, but nonetheless we definitely had many moments of squeezing out some pretty tasty lemonade from those little meniscal lemons.
There were acupuncture appointments for us both in Guerneville (and Sebastopol) with a brilliant naturopath we both know, followed by shopping at the Earth and Spirit Store where we always found a special gemstone or some wiccan inspiration in talking to the psychic* shopkeepers we both came to know and love. Of course we visited Armstrong Grove and had shorter than usual walks—but no less breathtaking—as we took in the beauty of nature on an even deeper level during the many moments of stillness under the redwoods. We meandered to Ami’s bench at Ragel, binge watched a few series on Netflix, grabbed take out, made yummy food at home together, and took trips to Ryan’s in Oakland while I stayed at Ken’s in SF.
Anya went through a lot of angst and fear in the not knowing, and got more practice in staying in the present moment. She had MRI’s, differing opinions on her knee, lots of monkey mind turmoil, and between the couch downstairs and her bedroom up the slowly traversed stairs— loads of downtime, (over)researching what was best for her knee. I tried to provide what love and reassurance I could, but a lot of support came from loving up on our sweet ailing Ruby dog, and eye gazing with Cocoa the Cat in bed, his furry purry body acting as a heavy and healing blanket for body and soul.
Earlier in the year we spent time with her original knee doc in Santa Rosa, who performed her other two surgeries, but because of the strangely complicated nature of this particular tear and her peculiar knee, she was moved to one of the top orthopedic surgeons in the nation at UCSF. And as fate would have it, Dr. Colyvas is located just minutes from my beau’s place in SF. Happily, most visits ended with sighs of relief as this doc provided hope for a bright future of normal activity, and delivered more hope beneath the stitches in March when a successful surgery was performed. The main issue with recovery was the nerve blocks they put in her foot which didn’t wear off for weeks and seemed to do more harm than good. All good now.
My other ‘child’ (adult!), Owen, graduated from high school in the spring, and began his ascent into adulthood by renting out his Grammy’s home in Placerville in the fall. As fate would have it, the renters that had occupied the place for a decade or more left at just the right moment for him to move in. By that time he had purchased an ’09 Infinity G37 and was running his business (digital marketing), and stepping more deeply into an adult role. I am seeing him step up more as he offers to help more at family functions, takes his Grammy to lunch once a month, and is paying his rent and other bills in full and on time! Naturally I wasn’t nearly as immersed in Owen’s life this year. He was (and still is) in an age appropriate individuation process, has lived with his dad for several years now, and this has certainly been part of my letting go journey.
So, as Owen exited childhood officially by graduating highschool and leaving his dad’s place in Nevada City and enter into his own space for the first time, and Anya geared up to leave the cozy nest we’d (co/re) created this year, spread her wings once again, and regain her equilibrium for a big flight and a more solid landing pad (‘bionic’ knee!) it was clear that the family structure was going through some large recalibrations on other levels as well.
Hefty lettings go. On May 10, the day before Owen’s 19th birthday, my mom’s husband, my step-father who had been in our lives since 2007, passed away. Needless to say, this created a major shift for my mom, from caretaker to moving more into her own space— inner and outer— feeling herself by herself for the first time in a very long time. Though she has created a wonderfully supportive community around her and I make it over every month for a visit, this transition hasn’t been easy of course. She’s had lower energy and spirits than I’ve ever witnessed, but we’re both trusting this is all part of the process of losing the person she had nested with for the past 16 years. It is a loss for us all in many ways, and a liberation too, which isn’t as easy to write, but death can bring that too.
And now for the pet losses. In late July, Anya and I arrived home after a weekend with our respective men (Ryan in Oakland and Ken in SF) to find our beloved Cocoa Cat lifeless on the floor of my bedroom. I often left him for a few days at a time, and my tenant Armando would allow him into his space to love him up and feed him. But Cocoa was pushing 15 and he was larger than life (in so many ways). He also was incredibly attuned to me, and sensing that Anya was about to fly and give me a bit more space for travels, he joined her and took the ultimate flight, out of his furry sweet body and into the realms unknown. Less than four months later our loyal family dog, Ruby, joined him. Bless their souls for all the beauty and lessons and laughter they brought into our lives since the kids were little. I miss them every day, but time is a healer and I’m imagining a new pet or two joining me sometime in this new year.
But first some travel is in order, and just being without an animal companion for awhile, living simply and just feeling the loneliness when it comes in. When I remember grief as a teacher and not something to be avoided, I can relax into it more completely, instead of busying myself to avoid the sensations I’m feeling. Living in a culture of constant doing leaves little time for just being and allowing. Even as a somatically aware coach, I too can bypass the bodily need for rest at times and keep pushing through. I’m now (mostly) aware enough to recognize the difference between the bodily discomfort that is simply due to overworked muscles from my various physical activities, and the discomfort from repressed emotions, which always show up in the body. I don’t want to wait for some chronic illness to force me to slow down. I’d rather put in the time now to get real with what’s truly alive in me, as raw and uncomfortable as that might be at times.
This year I used these life situations as opportunities to work with grief from the past, noticing when I was in my ego, and practicing true presence. In the more successful moments, the releases that came from the spaciousness I allowed for these processes to work themselves out, was extremely cathartic. Breath work was super helpful too, as was my morning practice of yoga and meditation. When I took the time (sometimes more time than felt ‘reasonable’) to feel fully into my body and the places of discomfort, I was rewarded with a deeper level of authenticity in knowing myself…and others. This deeper knowing and acceptance has allowed for more authentic conversations to unfold (not always easy!), and from that, relationships that flourish, or at least have a chance to. In 2025 I invite in ease and grace to accompany everything life reveals, and to use discernment and wisdom as I embrace life with acceptance and curiosity. I wish this for us all…💫
Love Coaching With Wendy 